Annoying since: Sep 2002

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
Posts: 1272
Location: In ur base killing ur d00ds

Holy FUCK was this a good one. So me, and a couple of my friends find this retard in Texas, and has an unbelievably appropriate screenname. So as he is NAKED ON HIS WEBCAM, we make his groovy image.

So we were in microphone with this guy, and had him convinced we were a girl with the very useful Sarah Michelle Gellar Soundboards, and start typing really lazy for realism. He seemed unusually eager to please...so before I showed him his Groovy Person image I wanted to see how far I could push him to obey commands. What follows is an insane look at an insane mind, and will one day be the prime piece of evidence in a congressional hearing to ban all webcams. You HAVE been warned.



sorry_for_living2002: hi

sorry_for_living2002: i don't have a mic
thought

sorry_for_living2002: i have a web cam

sorry_for_living2002: is that kool

sorry_for_living2002: u wanna see?



(Editor's Note: His mouth was open and nearly drooling the entire fucking time his cam was on.)

sorry_for_living2002: i like ur pic

miss_alissa_605: thanks hon

sorry_for_living2002: ur welcome u wanna see anything

miss_alissa_605: yeah

miss_alissa_605: make me a kissy face

sorry_for_living2002: what would u like to see

sorry_for_living2002: my spiecal thing

miss_alissa_605: make a kissy face at me!!! :*



(Editor's Note: ....)

miss_alissa_605: thanks hon

sorry_for_living2002: ur welcome

sorry_for_living2002: anything else

miss_alissa_605: i wanna see more

miss_alissa_605: you there honey?

sorry_for_living2002: see more of my body?

miss_alissa_605: not yet....

(Editor's Note: AUGH!!!!)

sorry_for_living2002: what would u like to see

miss_alissa_605: play with your nipples for me





(Editor's Note: AHAHAHAHAHAHA)

miss_alissa_605: suck on your finger






miss_alissa_605: wanna hear how horny you'remaking me babe

I proceeded to go onto the mic, and make a fingering noise with my mouth. It ended up being a smart move, as now he was CERTAIN I was a chick, and pretty much was willing to humiliate himself to the ends of the earth.

sorry_for_living2002: yes

miss_alissa_605: listen close.

miss_alissa_605: you like that babe?

sorry_for_living2002: oh yes

sorry_for_living2002: it makes me hard

miss_alissa_605: tell me what you wanna do to me?

sorry_for_living2002: i want to fuck u carzy

miss_alissa_605: what else

miss_alissa_605: go on baby!!!!

sorry_for_living2002: i would hug u kiss u fuck eat u out evrything

sorry_for_living2002: finger u

sorry_for_living2002: sleep with u take a shower and be by u

miss_alissa_605: what else baby! get me wett

sorry_for_living2002: i would fuck u while u ride me and doing it doggee style i would let u sux my cock have my cum to put anywhere

sorry_for_living2002: i would fuck u hard as i can i would put my cock any where uwant me to

sorry_for_living2002: i would fuck u while ur laying down

sorry_for_living2002: u can bounce on my lap

miss_alissa_605: that sounds so so good babe

sorry_for_living2002: i would do 69

miss_alissa_605: im so wett babe

sorry_for_living2002: i'm hard

My roommate then walked in, and laughed his ass off. He then bet me that I couldn't get him to pose like he was holding his hands beneath his chin and smiling. I told him that this bitch ass bet was ON.

miss_alissa_605: i wanna see u do something for me

miss_alissa_605: lace your fingers together like ur cracking ur knuckles, and then put them under your chin, like u were about to fuck me. oh god that would make me feel so good inside

miss_alissa_605: higher!!!



miss_alissa_605: right under your chin

miss_alissa_605: smmile!



(Editor's Note: This was DAMN close. I won $5.)

miss_alissa_605: thanks hon

miss_alissa_605: u know what else i wanna see?

sorry_for_living2002: yea

(Editor's Note: We were trying to think of the funniest thing ever...and eventually decided that him putting peanut butter on his nipples would be damn funny. Little did we know he was about to top us.)

miss_alissa_605: u got any peanut butter around? i LOVE sucking peanut butter off of a guys nipples!!! can u put some on for me?

miss_alissa_605: do it for me plz, babe

(Editor's Note: He goes off camera to look, nearly giving us a look at his penis. Everyone in the room screamed like we were on a roller coaster. Thankfully, no one died.)

sorry_for_living2002: i don't have any i'm sorry wish i do

miss_alissa_605: what do you have?

miss_alissa_605: no, i mean to put on your nipples?

sorry_for_living2002: i don't know what do u like

miss_alissa_605: anything

sorry_for_living2002: let me check

sorry_for_living2002: i got syrup

(Editor's Note: SCORE!!!)

miss_alissa_605: pour it on your sexy chest babe



miss_alissa_605: a little more



(Editor's Note: I am now a comedy god.)

miss_alissa_605: mmm

miss_alissa_605: you know what i want next babe?

sorry_for_living2002: what?

My roommate THEN bet me that I couldn't get him to put it all over his face. Let's rock, bitch.

miss_alissa_605: i would wanna suck that syrup off of your lips, and face...god that would be so sexy

miss_alissa_605: put a little on there for me

sorry_for_living2002: lips?



(Editor's Note: He proceeds to chug it, "Super Troopers" style.)

miss_alissa_605: yeah, and face babe

miss_alissa_605: some on your cheeks too hon



miss_alissa_605: oh yeah

miss_alissa_605: babe i am SOO wet right now it isnt even funny

sorry_for_living2002: yes oh yes

miss_alissa_605: would you make a sign for me, honey?



(Editor's Note: I totally didn't ask him to do this. I guess this was a freebie.)

sorry_for_living2002: what kind of sign

miss_alissa_605: i want you to write on a sign "owned by the captain"

sorry_for_living2002: i like this one

miss_alissa_605: mmmm

miss_alissa_605: do it for me

miss_alissa_605: write it on paper for me baby

He fucks it up

miss_alissa_605: and show it to me

miss_alissa_605: i cant wait baby

He fucks it up again

sorry_for_living2002: ok

sorry_for_living2002: ready

miss_alissa_605: no, i want ur face in it hon!

miss_alissa_605: i can't read that (

He fucks it up again

miss_alissa_605: can u print it out in big letters 4 me honey?

He fucks it up again

(Editor's Note: Now, I have NO CLUE where this came from...he starts...CHEERING FOR ME!!!! HE EVEN WROTE IT DOWN ON PAPER!!! What in the HELL was he talking about!?)

sorry_for_living2002: give me a A

sorry_for_living2002: a give me a l L

sorry_for_living2002: give me a i I

sorry_for_living2002: give me a s S

sorry_for_living2002: give me a s S

sorry_for_living2002: give me a a A





miss_alissa_605: ok one more thing

miss_alissa_605: write in big thick letters on a sign "Owned by the captain" and hold it up next to your face, licking ur sexy lips!!! and make the letters big and dark so I can see.

He fucks it up

sorry_for_living2002: ok

miss_alissa_605: move the paper close

He fucks it up again

miss_alissa_605: can you write it a little bigger for me honey?

miss_alissa_605: i can hardly see that

He fucks it up again

miss_alissa_605: fold it in half up to the letters

He fucks it up again

miss_alissa_605: and the make the top half your face

He fucks it up again

miss_alissa_605: i mean fold it the other way so I can see the whole sentence

He GETS IT!!!




(Editor's Note: YES!!! YES YES!!!!! YES!!!!!)

miss_alissa_605: hey babe

miss_alissa_605: come here

miss_alissa_605: i got something to show you

sorry_for_living2002: ok

miss_alissa_605: http://www.captain-obvious.com/braindamage/groovy15.php

miss_alissa_605: Click that, and look at the top picture.

miss_alissa_605: I have some bad news. I'm not really a girl. We're three guys sitting here laughing at you. I run a comedy website making fun of internet perverts, and I'm putting you on it. Also, I'm putting pictures of all the shit you just did.

sorry_for_living2002: hey thats funny though

miss_alissa_605: yeah!



miss_alissa_605: you fucking loser, dude, you're funny shit

miss_alissa_605: listening to us?

sorry_for_living2002: wass up

We proceeded to talk shit and berate him on the microphone for like ten fucking minutes. His mind just couldn't....comprehend the fact that we aren't girls. Eventually, we ended up with this.

sorry_for_living2002: this is so so funny

sorry_for_living2002: yea but she doesn't know how to us the computer

sorry_for_living2002: yea i know i'm a loser i'm a fucking srupid ass

sorry_for_living2002: ok don't believe ur a girl

sorry_for_living2002: adn i wasn't wacking it

We continue to berate him...

sorry_for_living2002: i know i wasn't wacking it

sorry_for_living2002: yea but u don't know me bitch so shut the fuck up



sorry_for_living2002: fuck u

sorry_for_living2002: fcuck u

sorry_for_living2002: yea u are gay i don't need help bitch

sorry_for_living2002: well i hate u bitch i hope u die

sorry_for_living2002: i don't know

We continue to berate him...

sorry_for_living2002: i don't know how to use the internet

sorry_for_living2002: fuck u i know how to fight i'm not going to walk away

We continue to berate him...

sorry_for_living2002: yea i'm gonna kill myself

sorry_for_living2002: you liked it

sorry_for_living2002: what

We continue to berate him...

sorry_for_living2002: well i hate u

sorry_for_living2002: i what to see u how carp
i am

sorry_for_living2002: well i'm gonna go bye






And...I am completely speechless. I have lost all faith in humanity. I wonder if syrup stains.

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Annoying since: Jan 2003

Epic As Always
Posts: 337
Location: Washington DC

This tops it all. 5 stars, case closed.

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Gin will make you sin.

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Annoying since: Mar 2003

keeps rollin' rollin' rollin'!
Posts: 38
Location: Right behind you with a knife.

Hot damn. If only the readers could hear some of the stuff we said to him.......*sigh*. Oh well, just reading his responses, and combining that with the knowledge of the previous groovies will give them all the laughter they need.

What a fagmo.

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Chief Pornographer
Posts: 480
Location: Tucson, AZ

Sweet Jahovah....

did you see his crappy TV in the background? what a loser...probably lives with his grandparents or something.

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Make like a tree and go fuck yourself. Fuck. Ass.

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Junior Member
Posts: 5
Location: Beloit

As it says in the subject line. I heart that guy. I wonder.......

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hitesh_raipurboy (10:53:16 PM): i want
fuck u u mery & u are fregnent for my
baby ok

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disobedient
Posts: 215
Location: los angeles

HAHAHA! wonderful, especially that syrup picture.
'i what to see u how carp i am' (what?).
that is the best one yet.

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seit bereit, immer bereit.
-Thälmann Pioniere (GDR)

This post was touched inappropriately by wirklichkeit on 04-15-2003 at 08:37 AM

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Junior Member
Posts: 4
Location: California

I was just minding my own business reading your site when you force my head to explode with laughter. Holy shit Captain, that one couldnt have gotten any better.

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Annoying since: Dec 2002

habitual
Posts: 826
Location: Illadelph area

It's like a symphony how you play them. I'm...awed. Ashamedly, I'm willing to bet that my expression when syrup time happened was something like his slack jawed gaze in the first shot.

Quote:

lace your fingers together like ur cracking ur knuckles, and then put them under your chin, like u were about to fuck me. oh god that would make me feel so good inside.

Masterful.


Now where's the audio?

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I know that I don't know, but I think that I think.

How could we miss someone as dumb as this?

This post was touched inappropriately by Chip_Thunder on 04-15-2003 at 09:55 AM

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Annoying since: Jan 2003

drunk
Posts: 10
Location: stupid town

fan-fucking-tastic

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bitches come half-steppin' and get blow'd the fuck up

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Annoying since: Apr 2003

My Cup of Tea
Posts: 721
Location: The Netherlands

I am laughing my ass off out here! SYRUP?!?! what a fucking loser! And it was his idea too! OI!

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Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy.

My karma ran over your dogma.

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Junior Member
Posts: 2
Location: Upper Michigan

I've been browsing the site for about five months now and not until now have I really felt the urge to post in response to one of these logs.

This was a work of art. Simply, completely, you kick ass, Captain. Keep it up!!

~Kiji

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Devil_X
Posts: 46
Location: At the world's most famous Drug Store

What the fuck is with this guy. Of all the guys that I have seen this guy takes that cake. I mean he has to be the worlds biggest loser. Wish I could have been there with you Captain but a hockey game was on last night.
Damn this was really funny. Best one yet. I give it 6 stars.

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"MRH"

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Junior Member
Posts: 8
Location: Oklahoma (wind comes sweeeeeeping down the plains!!)

crappy webcam- $21.46 at walmart
local internet access- $29.95 a month
the look on your pathetic syrup-y face when you find the cap'n just made you infamous- PRICELESS!

oh man, this is CLASSIC. I was laughin so hard coke shot out my nose (hehe not really but that would have been great!) but then I got sad... where do you go from here? is this the end of groovy people?? will captn be able to top this super special sugary boy wonder?? (sorry bout the batman thing) I think we have reached a new and wonderous level that I sure the frawk hope continues!! NICE JOB, GUYS!!!!:D

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Junior Member
Posts: 8
Location: Oklahoma (wind comes sweeeeeeping down the plains!!)

I was re-reading the whole deal and I noticed something...on the "go alissa" sign does it say I LOVE YOU at the end?? *WOW* tell me if thats what you guys think it says.

sorry for doublt posting:o

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Annoying since: Apr 2003

My Cup of Tea
Posts: 721
Location: The Netherlands

FUckin' A! you're right SPG! I missed that before... what a loser this kid is... I feel sorry for his parents (who are where he got the stupidity from, no doubt)

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disobedient
Posts: 215
Location: los angeles

Quote:

Originally posted by sexypinkgrrrl crappy webcam- $21.46 at walmart local internet access- $29.95 a month the look on your pathetic syrup-y face when you find the cap'n just made you infamous- PRICELESS!

please. someone stop the 'priceless' parodies.

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-Thälmann Pioniere (GDR)

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Junior Member
Posts: 8
Location: Oklahoma (wind comes sweeeeeeping down the plains!!)

I just HAD to do it

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Junior Member
Posts: 1
Location: Sun Prairie Wisconsin

HOLY BAJESUS!!!!!! I have just laughed to the point of vomiting while my co-worker shutters helplessly in the corner. Thank you captain.

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Annoying since: Sep 2002

Weapon of Snatch Destruction
Posts: 398
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

because for as willing as he was, the Cap'n
could have made him do some really sick shit.

And the fact you got him to make the owned
by the captain sign was a really nice touch.

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Junior Member
Posts: 6
Location: Flagstaff, Arizona

...brilliant, simply brilliant.

I wonder though, how he's going to explain the syrup on the keyboard to his parents?

"uhm...yeah...I made breakfast late at night..."

-ER

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*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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- Proximo, "Gladiator"

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Annoying since: Dec 2002

Secret Ninja
Posts: 629
Location: Turn around

Captain... by mighty Thor's hammer, I shall one day I shall stand tall and bask in your shimmering aura of power. And during those few incredible moments, I shall become remotely as enlightened as you are. Because dude... you got him to pour syrup on himself.

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It takes 43 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile. But it doesn't take any to just sit there with a stupid look on your face.

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Junior Member
Posts: 20
Location: Thankfully not New Jersey

Darker Captain, darker. Think about it. These guys are so desprate, they'd do anything. Food is great, but hot food, now that's just incredible. I believe you could get someone to pour coffee on their lap and rub spagetti in their hair.

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Annoying since: Sep 2002

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
Posts: 1272
Location: In ur base killing ur d00ds

Quote:

Originally posted by analforcats Darker Captain, darker. Think about it. These guys are so desprate, they'd do anything. Food is great, but hot food, now that's just incredible. I believe you could get someone to pour coffee on their lap and rub spagetti in their hair.

See, I have to toe the line. You never know when one request will go too far, and scare the 'tard away. Eventually when I have the patience, I'll drag a chatlog over several days, and maybe even include phone calls with the help of a female friend of mine. We'll see...but I will never stop topping myself. This is too much fun.

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Bethlehem's Finest
Posts: 79
Location: Anywhere.

This is definantly the apex of stupidity, I can only hope there are more mikes (his name does not deserve capitalization) in the world to make fools of themselves for us. Hell, I think you could probably pull this one over on mike again. Just amazing.

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Member
Posts: 31
Location: Somewhere.

.

This post was touched inappropriately by Lost Soul on 07-25-2003 at 01:09 PM

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